With This Ring

Growing up, I never daydreamed about my wedding day. I didn't care where I was proposed to or how he did it. For me, I just couldn't wait to have someone hold my hand through life's journey. I wanted someone who would be my best friend to the very end. When I met Bryan I knew I had found that person. My heart felt at home instantly and I didn't have to try to be someone I wasn't. More than that, I felt safe and my heart found peace.

Recently, I've been without my engagement ring. This year for our anniversary we're getting our rings engraved with Agape to remind us to love one each other unconditionally. At first it felt awkward without my sparkling ring that I so often gazed at in the light. My hand felt so plain with a simple band.

However, this simple band has shown me that this is what marriage is really like. Its not the flashy piece that everyone notices and gauks at, that shouts "I love yous" from rooftops. Its the simple times when no one is there and I'm happy to have someone to sit behind, watching Modern Family. It's the feeling when I'm in a crowded room feeling nervous then he turns and winks at me. It's the fighting that I hate but love that I have the freedom to fully feel anger and know we love each other more than the emotions we're feeling. It's my absolute favorite time of all, when I feel like I'm falling apart inside and I have no idea why, he takes my hand, sits me on his lap, holding me while I cry fiercely until the world is right again. I know he loves me when he wipes my tears away and tells me with my red puffy, snot invested face, how beautiful I am.

In those moments, I don't care what flashy thing the world has to offer or how many lists of stuff I think I want, I'm simply content, knowing that for the rest of my life my best friend will be there loving the best and the worst sides of me.

I believe Train puts it best "Marry me, today and everyday." We had a ceremony two years ago to make it official but I've been choosing to marry Bryan every day since May 4, 2007 when he held my hand for the first time. I've enjoyed every moment we've had together. I can't wait to see how we'll grow and develop our love even more over the years. I'm so blessed to have found him.

This is from the card Bryan gave me yesterday. I just had to share it.

Love isn't just hearts and flowers,
though sweet words have their place.
It's rainy days made sunny
by the bright smile on your face.
It's the little daily triumphs
I can't wait to share with you.
It's all the random rough spots
that we help each other through.

It's the way you accept me
my good points, faults, and all.
It's knowing you support me
and feeling ten feet tall.
It's wantint to be worthy
of the trust you put in me.
It's looking to the future
and liking what I see.
It's mornings in the kitchen.
It's cuddling up at night.

This love is the daily stuff
And we have it right.

If you would like to check out "Marry Me" by Train here's a link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ess2qlVHl6E

Mission

I awoke this morning on a mission. I am going to get down to 150 lbs. by the end of the year. I am currently 158.1. I have about three weeks to accomplish this. Is it insane? possibly. Will it be tough? definitely. Yes, I know its the holidays and I'm supposed to let myself relax but, I think I let myself relax all year. I mean, Santa's checking his list and I've been pretty naughty with all my food intake. So its time to take that lump of coal, bypass the desserts table and the mashed potatoes, and grill me some chicken.

At this point, this isn't a want anymore. I need this for myself because 150lbs was the highest I was going to let myself get to. I know to some people 150 lbs is nothing but I know me. Once I hit 150 its a fast climb to 200 if I'm not careful. I weighed 132 lbs on my wedding day. So in all actuality I've gained 26 lbs not including the nine pounds I've lost already on the South Beach Diet since I've been married. I need to be at 150 so I can feel in control again. I have problems with food. If I don't watch myself I will eat non-stop all day long. I allow my emotions and boredom control me. I tend to forget that food is supposed to be enjoyed and should make me feel good instead of nasty all the time. I love cows but I don't want to be one.

So here I am. Keep the ho-hos, pies, cakes, and milkshakes, away from me. Its time to get serious and push forward through the holidays with gusto. I will make it. I will be strong. If I have to shave my head and get all G.I. Jane with war paint, I will because its time to win the food battle.

Step One: Add an exercise plan to the diet.
Step Two: Actually do the exercise plan.
Step Three: Don't give into temptation when others are indulging.
Step Four: Keep my eye on the goal.

Update

So I now weigh 158.1 pounds. Which I'm glad but that was just getting rid of the Thanksgiving weight. Its putting me behind. I'm just impatient and its harder to stay motivated when I'm impatient. To make matters worse, I've been craving chocolate pudding non-stop. I don't know what it is but I want it like it is the most amazing dessert ever. I mean, I ate a few bites of red velvet cheesecake the other night and I stopped because I wanted chocolate pudding more. The sugar-free stuff is great and I'm allowed to have it but only one tiny cup a day. I had to stop myself from eating the entire six pack today. Its crazy how it takes a week or two to get rid of the damage you can do within a few days. I'm not looking forward to Christmas and all the parties between now and the New Years.


Next week I have finals. As of right now I have an A in all my classes. I have to make an A on all the finals to keep it that way so that worries me a little.


In other news, I posted pictures on my Simply Anna's Creations and Designs facebook page today. Now I need a good profile picture and a good fan base. I also have my first wedding coming up fast. I'm finishing up all the jewelry this week so I don't have to rush, just in case I have any last minute changes that need to be made. Check out Simply Anna's Creations and Designs on facebook and become a fan. If you have any advice on how I can make the page better please let me know. Its a work in progress right now with everything I have going on, but I do want to get this done soon. I'm hoping to get at least a few holiday buyers.

Here's the link to my facebook business page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Simply-Annas-Creations-and-Designs/171482922875839

Thank you for everyone's encouragement. It means a lot.

Coffee

So if anyone is looking for a low-fat, healthy coffee idea I've found that if you put fat-free half and half with sugar free chocolate syrup and a little bit of peppermint extract you get a great mint chocolate creamer. Its the only way I've been surviving on the South Beach Diet every morning.

Today

Today was my first day back on the South Beach Diet after Thanksgiving. I chose the South Beach Diet because it was written by a heart doctor and heart disease runs in my family on both sides. Anyways, Bryan and I started the diet two weeks before Thanksgiving and I lost nine pounds. Sadly, I gained back three of them over Thanksgiving but I'm still pushing through. Since we cheated we had to start back with Phase 1, meaning we can't eat anything with sugar in it for at least a week. I was surprised how easy today was compared to the first time we had to give up sugar. My body actually felt relieved to be eating right again. I'm considering only choosing a few items to cheat with at Christmas time hoping to keep my weight gain down and to keep from feeling sick again. Currently I am 161.2 pounds. My goal weight is 124 lbs. If everything goes according to plan, I should make it by April 4th of next year. Of course by then I hope to have begun my marathon training. I'm pretty excited.

As far as PA school goes, today was a low. I skipped my first class today which probably wasn't the best idea but I was exhausted. I just wanted one day to breathe. Lately, school, especially the idea of PA school, is terrifying me. I'm scared I'll fail or simply I'll get there and feel like I'm in over my head. What if I can stand the sight of blood and faint or worse, throw up? What if I'm making another mistake? I still believe that its God's will for my life but it seems huge and I'm worried I can't do it. I'm not sure I have what it takes to be a PA. I guess today, I just needed God to squeeze my hand a little harder to let me know He's with me every step of the way. Lately, its been crazy how much He's blessed us. Its more comfort that He's blessing this step of faith Bryan and I have taken. Now I just have to keep trusting Him to make this dream a reality. Its not easy.

On the up side, my crafting business is getting started. Simply Anna's Creations and Designs will be up and running soon. My cousin also sells stuff on etsy.com and she really encouraged me this past week. She loved my jewelry I had made and told me I needed to charge more. My business cards are now on their way. I've been wearing my jewelry out and many people have commented on it. My first wedding is coming up on Dec. 18th and the bride is going to give me professional photos of my jewelry to use as free advertisizing. I'm so excited about it. I can't wait to get everything up on my website. Right now I've got to get my camera fixed and hope the rain will go away so I can get some good shots. Anyways, keep a look out for Simply Anna's Creations and Designs coming to you soon.

The Bucket List

Having watched The Bucket List and loving it, then seeing Julia and Julie, which I did not love as much but felt inspired, I have now decided to start a blog of my own. This blog will debut my very own Bucket List to the world as I attempt to cross them off one by one. I only hope this will inspire others to do the same and live their dreams.

My Bucket List

1. Become a mommy

2. Graduate from PA school

3. Run a marathon

4. Publish a novel

5. Write a children's book

6. Tell my grandmother's story

7. Learn to sew

8. Design and make my own clothes

9. Create a small crafting business

10. Learn how to ballroom dance

11. Own a small farm with:

a. chickens, ducks, and a brown cow

b. a vegetable garden

c. an orchard

12. Climb to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back

13. Hike the Appalachian Trail

14. Go on a medical missions trip to Africa

15. Reach a healthy body weight and maintain it

16. Paint a masterpiece

17. Visit New York

18. Go on an European Tour

19. Watch all Audrey Hepburn movies

20. Meet a celebrity

21. See Hollywood and take a picture of the sign

22. Sing a show at a coffee shop

23. Sing in an animated film

24. Learn to play and sing my classics list:

a. You Were Meant for Me by Jewel

b. To Make You Feel My Love by Bob Dylan

c. I'll Stand by You by The Pretenders

d. City Lights by Sara Barielles

e. I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt

25. Record all my classics list on a CD for my own personal use

26. Learn how to swim under water with my eyes open

27. See Train in concert

28. Learn to speak Spanish fluently

I should mention that these are written in the order of how I thought of them and not the order in which I will complete them.